Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
