Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
