Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
