Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You don't make any sense
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