i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
