guys are only as good as the porn they watch
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
