Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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