I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
