too bad you live with your parents still
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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