Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
