how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
