There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
