we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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