How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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