I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
