No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
