You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
