Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
