I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
