yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
