Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
