its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
