there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
