if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
