and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
