my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
