I'm really into asian looking animals
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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