You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
