If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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