you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
