no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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