i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
