you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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