just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
