You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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