We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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