We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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