I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
