Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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