Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
