im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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