you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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