mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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