I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
