I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
