I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
