he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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