She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
