Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
