I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
