Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
