I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
