I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
