i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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