ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
