I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
