I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
