My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
