I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
50% drunk capacity currently
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
