I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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