i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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