I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
