I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
