you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
my poor anus
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
