Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
