Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
