I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
