Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
