i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
