I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
