I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
