Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
