honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
